If you haven’t seen the movie yet, be warned that this is a very detailed synopsis of the movie from start to finish. So yeah, spoiler alert!

The movie starts in what we’re told by the subtitles (in espanol) is Chicago, Illinois. A train horn blows as we cut to the interior of a busy train station. A creepy, pedophile-looking guy drags a younger boy behind him through the crowds in a hurry. Pedo doesn’t notice a brunette following them until she “accidentally” bumps into them. She makes small-talk with the kid, while Pedo looks suspiciously around the station. He suddenly sees someone wearing sunglasses, who upon being noticed, pulls out a gun. Pedo panics and starts to run, only to be chased by Sunglasses Guy while Brunette grabs the kid and hauls him out of the way of the inevitable smackdown about to take place in front of hundreds of travelers. A female voice shouts “FBI! Freeze!”, and finally the film’s heroine jumps out of hiding. Candice DeLong, wearing a leather jacket and sporting a rather tiny gun for her profession, looks disgustedly as Pedo is dragged to the floor by Sunglasses Guy, while the kid begs them not to hurt his “friend.” Uhoh. The kid pleads for them to help him, to which Candice replies that she’s a nurse.

Pedo’s real name turns out to be Crouse, and this whole opening scene is part of a sting operation to catch him. Sunglasses Guy is Candice’s partner (in more ways than one), Bobby; Brunette is also part of the FBI but she’s more like Candice’s lapdog. I forget her name, so I’ll just call her NotEvelyn for now. Crouse is cuffed as Candice roughs him up some more. Newspaper clippings inform us that she’s the first woman profiler in the FBI, so I’m guessing this is supposed to take place in the early 90s.

Back in the FBI offices, Candice talks to her husband on the phone before Bobby joins her en route to the interrogation rooms. Sadly, I’ve yet to catch the name of the kid, but Bobby reports that he’s been badly beaten, they found cocaine in his bloodstream, and a crack pipe in Crouse’s belongings. We’re treated to pictures of his various wounds as Bobby hands her a videotape of the interrogation with Bobby. Okay, this is definitely from the 90s, because the film setup they have is hilariously old-school. Like, the computer is an “M-07.” Bobby leaves Candice alone to watch the tape of the kid being questioned.

Cut to later on, but still at the FBI offices, where Candice is in a different outfit and is trying to convince the kid to watch some TV. She offers to let him watch the videotape, but the kid automatically refuses. Outside, Bobby meets with the kid’s mother. She wants to see him, and admits that Crouse was her boyfriend — oh, the kid’s name is Deegan. Sidenote: the actor is Canadian, and kind of a cutie now. Candice, meanwhile, is talking with him about their favorite superheroes, and they come to a consensus that Superman is the best. Candice points out that sometimes he can’t figure out who the bad guys are, but Deegan disagrees, because hey, he’s Superman. Forgive the boy’s logic: he’s like what, ten? Candice admits that she wishes she could fly, and asks Deegan where he would go. “Away.” Deep. Candice again tries to convince him that he’s safe, but Deegan isn’t buying it, and tells her that Crouse will come after him.

Bobby lets Deegan’s mother into the interrogation room, and apparently Deegan’s been missing for three months. On the other side of the two-way mirror, Brunette and Bobby are joined by Candice to watch the reunion. Upon entering the room, Deegan immediately asks his mother where Crouse is, to her confusion. Afterward, Brunette congratulates Candice on finding Deegan. Candice isn’t satisfied, saying they haven’t been able to find any of the other eight kids Crouse took in the last two years. She flips through Deegan’s file before picking up couple of darts and chucking them at a photo of Crouse attached to a dartboard. She then looks at a photo of her own son and calls him.

Arriving at home, she calls for Ryan, and hears the sounds of him and his dad playing videogames. Her attempts to get their attention fail miserably. Down in the kitchen, she unloads groceries as she and her husband argue about money, and obviously things aren’t good between them. Hubby tells her to ask her boyfriend for the money, to her annoyance. I’m getting the feeling that they’re just staying married for Ryan’s sake, which isn’t healthy.

Outside, Ryan plays with neighborhood kids while Candice sits on the front steps with her friend. They eat ice cream and she asks if the boyfriend is coming over tonight. Candice is doubtful, and starts telling her about Deegan’s case while a black car cruises ominously past the house. Candice calls Ryan and they head home.

Elsewhere, a girl in a pink scarf is walking home. A car pulls up beside her and the man inside offers her a ride. They’re obviously on familiar terms, but she resists at first. Eventually she relents and they drive off. We are then treated to several photographs of her dead body. Classy.

In yet another scene change, Candice is in bed with someone. There is making out and groping and so on until a pager beeps. The lights are turned on and surprise surprise, her boyfriend is none other than Bobby. Of course, I gave that away at the start of the recap, but still. His phone then rings, which he answers, while she kisses his chest (more like his nipple) and attempts to distract him. He tells her there’s been another murder, a strangling, as he gets dressed. He asks her if she’s coming (with him), and she cheekily replies “Apparently not.” There is more banter as she pouts that he’s going to go home to his horrible wife later that night. He tells her he loves her before leaving. Aw.

Creepy Killer looks at the photographs of his victims and puts them into a photoalbum.

Morning. Candice wakes up, wanders into the bathroom, and finds that there’s no water or electricity. Turns out hubby didn’t take care of the money like he said he did, and their bills are piling up. Ryan appears on the stairs and whines that there’s no water. Candice explains the situation but he continues to whine until she offers to get the cat and have it lick him clean.

Presumably later that day, Candice walks down the street on her cell phone, a cup of coffee in hand. She’s bitching to incompetent hubby (named Tommy) about how the water and electricity is now shut off. She gets another call and answers it. A few seconds later, her face falls and she breaks down before throwing the cup of coffee at the wall.

Back in her office, she looks angrily through the files of the missing kids, ending with the picture of Crouse. Her boss looks on in concern, and she angrily manages to get out that three hours after his mother brought him home, Deegan hanged himself. Boss tells her it’s not her fault. She goes off on a tangent about how miserable Ryan is, and how he’s now a lonely boy, the type Crouse preys on. Remember that: it’ll come back later. She’s presented with the papers needed to resign, and starts scribbling away. Boss tells her that after she’s gone, Brunette (real name: Natalie) will become Bobby’s new partner. Candice glowers, muttering that Natalie’s only four years old, she’s not ready. This confused me at first, because Natalie is obviously not four years old. My guess is that’s their way of saying she’s been with the FBI for four years. He also wants her in on the briefing of last night’s murder.

Heading to the briefing, Bobby catches up with her to give her the details of the murder the night before. She tells him she’s resigning. “What about us?” Bobby asks, and Candice leaves without answering him. Boss is giving the briefing in the conference room, and stops when he notices Candice. He gives her the floor, and she continues on where he left off with a fancy PowerPoint slideshow of all the murder photos. Later, she gives a press conference outside of the building. She announces her retirement and then walks off. She realizes she forgot to pick her son up from school. She drives to his school and sees him getting on the bus. She calls his name but he doesn’t hear, so of course she has to get onto the bus and call him, while the driver is like “get off the bus.” Bus drivers aren’t all that mean, but to be fair, she didn’t pay. If my mother did that to me, I would be mortified.

Ryan lashes out at Candice when they get home, and then storms upstairs.

Creepy Killer looks through his photoalbum again, cutting up some newspaper articles to add to his scrapbook while he watches the news footage of Candice announcing her retirement. “No you’re not,” he creepily says.

That night, Candice is awoken from her sleep by the phone. She turns on the lights and answers it, and again has a breakdown. Exterior: Neighbor’s house. The paramedics are wheeling a gurney from the house as Candice pulls up and Bobby grabs her before she can get in the way. Her friend is the latest victim, and she begs the paramedics to help her. Bobby thinks she was attacked because of her connection to Candice, which isn’t what she wants to hear. Tommy and Candice take the neighbor’s two kids home with them and tuck them into bed on the sofas. While Candice makes tea, he apologizes for the day before, and tells her he saw the news report about her retiring. He thinks she’s running away.

Morning again. She rushes Ryan plus the two extra kids into class. She introduces herself as Godmother, FBI, and the teacher asks where the little girl’s rabbit is. “Evidence,” Candice fibs, after a pause. Back at FBI Headquarters, Natalie reports there’s been another attack, but the victim is alive, and the two of them and Bobby rush to the scene. They intercept the victim with her kid and husband, and ask for a few minutes. Turns out she kneed him in the crotch before she escaped. As they question her, Creepy Killer watches the from down the street through his binoculars. There’s also something attached to the bottom of Candice’s car that’s transmitting their voices.

Bobby checks out the morgue, where they recently autopsied the body. They found small iron balls in her small intestine.

At the hospital. Candice visits her friend, who is happy to see her until Candice gets down to questioning her. She gets even more upset when Candice tells her they think it’s because he hurt her to hurt Candice. She kicks Candice out, saying she wants to talk to someone else. In the waiting room, Bobby tells her what her friend said in her absence; Creepy Killer was interested in a photo of her family that was on the wall. He was asking her how long they had been married, and so on. Candice says the pattern so far is that the women have kids, from ages three to five. Back in her office, she tells them to check babysitters and nannies. Natalie enters her office and tells her that someone saw a sedan on their street the night of the murder.

Bobby’s wife shows up, and they get cosy outside of Candice’s office for a moment before Bobby returns to explain. He tells her things with his wife are over, and she doesn’t believe it. Almost in tears, she leaves and goes to talk to Natalie. She’s a bit bossy, and Natalie finally stands up to her. Candice starts to walk off but then comes back, ranting about how women aren’t accepted in the FBI, and that Natalie won’t be accepted into open arms if she ever ends up as an agent. Candice retreats to her office, where she’s following up on the pattern between the women. This happens when she spills coffee all over the case files, an in the process of mopping up the spill, has a revelation. She calls for Bobby just as her phone rings.

It’s Creepy Killer, and she mouths for Bobby to get a trace. He closes the door to her office and gets a trace running as Candice tries to stall the killer on the line. It backfires, of course, because the killer starts questioning her mothering capabilities, accusing her of not deserving Ryan. The killer says she’s never there for him, and even reveals her affair with Bobby to the entire office, who’s listening in on speaker phone. They get the trace and to Candice’s horror, it’s coming from her own house.

The whole caravan rushes over to her house, sirens blaring. The cops haven’t found anything, but Candice goes and looks through everything herself. All seems to be normal until she reaches her bedroom. On her bed are a series of magazines, all about parenting and motherhood. In the center is a picture of her and Bobby kissing somewhere, unaware that they’re being photographed.

That night, Ryan is coughing in bed, obviously sick. Candice goes to find some cough medicine, but there’s nothing. Meanwhile, the cop outside is asleep on the job. She takes Ryan with her to the pharmacy, and while she’s looking for something, she overhears a conversation about an older woman talking to the pharmacist about birth control. Candice then makes more phone calls, and discovers that each of the women was seeing a fertility specialist, as they were trying to get pregnant. The specialist’s name was Stutter. She’s made a breakthrough, but her joy is short-lived when the killer calls her again. He admonishes her for dragging poor, sick, Ryan out to the pharmacy with her in the middle of the night, and reveals that there’s been another murder…

—

The next morning Candice arrives at the murder house only to be greeted as she’s still driving no less, by a female reporter from the local TV News (you know the type – blond, big haired, clearly has that journalism degree!) asking for a statement. “You’re wearing white after Labor Day” she quips back and ignores any further attempts by she-who-wants-to-be-a-serious-reporter to ask anymore questions. At the house, she and Bobby have an awkward non verbal moment as they pass at the door before she heads on inside and we’re treated to a just lovely view of the latest victim’s dead body on the floor (I rather feel sorry for the actress here).

The pathologist (at least I’m assuming that’s who he is) is there explaining the various injuries – signs of rape, snapped neck, but it was suffocation that killed her. And that it looks like a rattle was used to do it. Also, he notes that she has some injection marks, but shows no signs of being a regular user or has any insulin in the fridge to suggest she has diabetes. I’m guessing this important otherwise why go into all this stuff, so I keep the brain switched on here.

Outside, Bobby (who for some reason I keep typing as Booby) is talking to the distraught husband – he sobs something about his wife having made a great stew (random!, but I guess the thought of meals for one from Walmart really is an awful thought) and then Candice joins them to ask the husband some questions, namely if they were trying for a baby. Yes, it seems, and she had lupus so was taking fertility injections, but her hope that Sutter is the murderer is short lived when the husband says the doctor was someone else.

Back at her car she talks to Bobby, explaining how she thought she was on to something with Sutter, that she looked him up on the internet, that he lived with his mother (oh yeah, sure sign! HE DID IT!!!) and that she died three months ago, just when all this started to happen. They way Jean says “precipitating factor” here is so damn cool – I need to find more circumstances to say precipitating.

At this point Bobby suggests she get some sleep, but Candice isn’t for having him butt-in in personal matters anymore. Still, he keeps trying, asking her to trust him here (even calling her “Scooch” – his pet name for her) but as she begins to cry, she tells him to go, and maybe fearing a scene, he gets out of her car again and watches as she drives away.

Cut to. I don’t know when – later that day I think. She’s still driving but this time with the window down and along side her boss who is jogging the dog (he’s a heart attack waiting to happen). The boss seems a tad pissed that she woke him the previous night with her “epiphany” about Sutter which the latest murder seems to shoot down but Candice fires back with some new information, namely that the last victim was referred to the other doctor by… Dr Rene Sutter!
Her boss agrees to let her talk to him, no arrest but to wear a wire. She seems sarcastically chuffed as she drives off quipping “Yes Sir”.

We move to the interior of a cop van, disguised very cleverly (this is snark) as a Chicago Tribune newspaper van, in which three guys probably had the best day’s filming of their acting careers. There’s Candice, chewing gum, blouse open, lavender lingerie top on clear view and the “girls” gunning for guest appearance Emmys as Bobby (A Martinez must have grinned like a dork when he read this bit in the script) wires her up, and by that I mean, gets to cup (seriously) some breast on the pretext of securing a microphone. There’s some loaded banter between them – Bobby telling her to cover up now (he probably saw the look the other cop was giving her) and for her not to let the wire be found. Candice snarks back how she was just going to “whip off her shirt and beg for a physical”. It’s all a little too much for their boss though who tells them to knock it off.

Outside, as Candice finishes fixing her blouse, we meet NotEvelyn/Natalie again. I think she’s supposed to be next to get wired up because as Candice walks off, she tells her not to worry and that the first time is always the worst (probably even more so when you have to open your blouse after Candice has just been before you).

Next shot we find ourselves in Sutter’s Office. As Candice surveys the room she notes that “He likes watercolors, rural settings…” (Yup, Constable lovers – they all turn out to be killers) but that he has no personal photographs.
A second later, the doctor himself walks in and they engage in some art talk – what sort of paintings does she like etc. He wonders if florals/flowers aren’t perhaps a tad too feminine for her (is he trying to suggest she’s butch?) but she answers back that she likes VanGogh. Finally after some more art talk he opens the medical file of the last victim and reads aloud all that was wrong with her and that on this basis he suggested a hysterectomy. Candy points out that he’s a fertility specialist (the implication being what the hell business does he have suggesting hysterectomies) but the doctor asks by way of a retort if she’s a doctor. She replies she’s a nurse, but it seems Dr Sutter is also an OBGYN.

Candice mentions another victim who was his patient, Gaby Bliss – he doesn’t have her file to hand but recalls her – mentioning how she had a condition that made conceiving difficult – “but not impossible” Candice points out. He rather creepily replies that she should know that “nothing is impossible” and if I didn’t know any better, I’d swear he knew she was Kim Possible’s mom on the side.
Candice asks if Gaby’s husband came in with her – Sutter replies yes and that he was a “colored man” – so a murderer and a racist.

Back at the FBI offices, we see Candice begging with her boss to let her arrest him, that he heard how he played her and that he was all but admitting that he did it.
Her boss, Frank (Yay, he has a name) asks for the evidence though, clearly thinking they as yet do not have enough. Candice begs to differ and starts pointing to the victims pictures on the wall – one had lupus, a hereditary condition, one married a black man, one a lesbian, another a teenage hispanic girl – I’m guessing here that Sutter doesn’t vote Democrat anyway. Frank though says it’s not enough for prosecutors, leaving our heroine pissed and angry and storming off.
Bobby, who was also in the office, along with NotEvelyn asks Frank to cut his girl some slack – “buy her some flowers” Frank suggests, obviously just as pissed as Candice is and in no mood to be told how to do his job by lover boy.

Lunch time sees Candice staring at a computer with Sutter’s profile on it and eating a sandwich. The camera shows us a detail that says he had mumps and then the phone rings.

Cut to Ryan’s (Candice’s son) school and Candy escorting him out (with his cop protector behind him). It seems Ryan got in a fight and punched a kid for making a joke about Ryan needing protection.

Back at home, now with a For Sale sign in the garden (it’s leaning and she tries to fix it, only for it to lean again) we see some flowers sitting on a table – no card. After quizzing the cop guarding her house as to who left them, she panics and calls to the other cop (there’s two) that Sutter has been inside again.
Bloody hell the FBI suck at basic home protection.

Ryan calls his dad and moans how his mother is freaking out over some flowers and how she thinks crazy doctor guy got inside the house again (cut your mother some slack you ungrateful brat) but as he’s talking the camera pans to underneath the kitchen cabinets and we see a microphone/transmitter in place and the next second, creepy Sutter back at his place writing everything said down on the walls ala Jack Nicholson in “The Shining”.
He so did it, I’m tellin’ ya!

That night Ryan is sleeping with his mom (sporting rather fetching animal print pyjamas) when she wakes and hears a sound coming from downstairs. Telling the ungrateful brat to hunker down in bed, she climbs out and gets her gun and begins to sneak downstairs like the action girl she is (well, frankly the men around her suck, so she has to be action girl).
After scouring the house she hears a sound from the kitchen too loud to be a mouse and whirling around the door, shouts “Freeze FBI”, only to find… Bobby … eating! What the hell?!

She asks him what he wants and he gives her a look. Yup, you guessed it, Bobby is making a booty call. The nerve!!! I thought women could only make these although I can’t say I blame him for trying.
Anyway, Candice is having none of that and Bobby tries tactic number two – concern. It seems he also sent her the flowers (Note! If your mistress is getting threatened in her own home, think about including a card with the flowers, it saves a shit load of worry) (also, even thinking they came from Sutter, she kept them! – she must really like flowers).
Bobby also wants to explain the thing with his wife – at this point you can insert the standard she’s nutty and when I tried to leave her last time, tried to do herself in, explanation. Candice is sympathetic but tells him to go home, only to call him back as she passes the window. Outside they find a large arrangement of flowers (think the kind you’d see at church or on a grave) and a rattle attached and a note asking if she knows where he child is.

Cue panic as she runs through the house screaming the ungrateful brat’s name and “Holy Mary mother of God” when she can’t find him. I think deaf can also be added to ungrateful as Ryan emerges moments later from the bathroom looking completely oblivious to his mother’s distress.
Seriously, she was screaming and he didn’t think to call back? or is his pee just that loud that it drowned her out.

The next day, back at the FBI, the merry trio of Candice, Bobby and Natalie (seriously, she is so Evelyn Martin it’s scary) are explaining to boss man Frank that Sutter sent the other arrangement of flowers, leaving it so that it could be traced to him and that he’s shut up practice.

Frank gives the okay to get a warrant. Then there’s a brief scene in which we see creepy Sutter at a medical supply warehouse picking things up – uh oh, I don’t like that, before we end up back at the FBI again with everyone being briefed now on the Sutter case and what to look for – his picture, his car, a 2002 silver Mercedes E (OMG – so this isn’t set in the 90′s – I refer you to narcissenoir’s first half take for just how old the computers are then) and which in the next scene we see him change.

As the FBI move in on Sutter, we see Candice and Natalie “I swear I’m not Evelyn Martin” sharing a car (Candice driving) as Candice explains Sutter to her – that his mom moved him around the South to live with various relatives and that he caught the mumps as a teen which made him sterile.
Natalie (she is so goddamn eager to impress Candice it’s amusing, not to mention screams girl crush) mentions how even if killers like him hate their mothers, they never kill them, that they target people who represent them instead. Candice praises her observation and Natalie is probably all warm inside now.

Next up, we see Sutter buying a gun (uh oh). Candice is at casa Sutter waiting for her warrant when Frank (lurching closer to that heart attack) shows up and says that Sutter is at the gun shop buying more “artillery than Bin Laden” – which seems something of an overstatement but whatever.
The FBI rush over but again are too late on the scene. The gun shop owner then hands Candice a picture of Ryan saying that he was asked to give it to her – cue her screams of “Get Ryan.”

Back at casa Sutter, Bobby and his men break in and raid the house. They find a basement and flicking on flashlights, venture forth. Erm, maybe look for a light switch instead Bob! just a thought.
Down in the basement they find all Sutter’s documents and a manifesto for parenting before spotting a clipping of Candice and the word unfit scrawled on it. Again seems harsh given how hot she looks…oh wait, he means mother here. Oops.

Anyway, back at the FBI, Frank takes Candice off the case, citing Ryan as the reason and comes up with the cunning plan of sending Natalie in as a decoy. Clever! Except she looks like an idiot in the blonde wig. Candy looks rather aghast that she might look like that.

She asks for a moment with the Little Miss Eager/Natalie, and tells her the story of how she ended up in the FBI; that she was introduced to a woman in the bureau who had great boots and that’s what swung it. Natalie looks all a twitter as she has this little bonding moment with Candice and over footwear no less, and even more so when Candice promises to buy her boots once this is all over.

It should be noted as they talk, Candice dons a decidedly dumb brunette wig.

In the parking lot, she says her goodbyes to Frank, vowing to keep Ungrateful’s sorry ass safe by locking him in a closet and sitting outside it with a gun and a jar of M&Ms if she has to, only for Ungrateful to point out as they are driving away, that she doesn’t have any M&Ms.
It’s a metaphor you silly little sod.
Still, she’s a good mom (take that Sutter) and she stops off at a store to buy some food and candy unaware that Sutter has been tailing her since she pulled out of the FBI building. How he knew it was her in the different car is anyone’s guess, or maybe that brown wig really is that shit.

Anyway, as Candice and Ungrateful, ugh I suppose I should start calling him Ryan again, get back into the car, she makes one major error and doesn’t check the back-seat. OH SHIT!

Sutter sneaks up and I’m assuming it’s chloroform here, does a Walt Cummings on her, minus the peek a boo down her top, and then knocks Ryan out with it too.

The next scene we see Bobby calling Natalie and informing her that Candy never showed at the safe house and that he’ll pick her up – everyone is now panicked. Bobby for his lover, Natalie for her lov.. well she probably wishes.

Back at Candice’s car, we see Sutter getting in a van and driving away. The camera pans for a moment to let us see that Ryan is still in his mother’s car, out for the count in the back seat before we move to the van and see Candice woozily coming to and tied up as Sutter drives.

At casa Sutter, someone has at least found some lights as the FBI work to find out were Sutter might have taken Candice. Her boss speculates to Natalie that Candice is probably “permanately retired” leaving little Natalie quietly heartbroken and the audience to assume he’s kind of a mean tactless ass. Really, she’s been gone, what an hour now and he’s written her off as dead.

In the same basement as the FBI have set up shop in, Bobby is rummaging through cabinets and drawers when he stumbles on a scrapbook, mainly full of clippings of Candice and of Sutter himself as a kid.
“There’s a damn scrapbook. You didn’t see this?” he calls out to anyone around. Of course they didn’t Bob, they’re the FBI – lousy at home protection and so observant that they thought Candy kept mother and baby magazines neatly laid on her bed with a picture of her and him kissing in the middle.

Natalie spots an old black and white picture in the book and in one of the biggest long shots of the film asks someone to find her the boat with the matching number in the photo.
Erm, it’s black and white and looks old!?!? doesn’t she think it might be a rotting wreck of wood now? I’m ignoring the fact that we see just after that it isn’t rotting. That, and Sutter is driving a still tied up Candice somewhere on it.

Sutter docks the boat and gives Candice a right old shove along the dock to a small cabin.

Inside we find Candice sitting on the floor, back against the sofa and her feet tied up. She also is sporting a smudge of blood along her cheek bone which is never actually explained but whatever – we’ve just had Natalie make a miracle guess on the existence of a boat, what’s a little bit of unexplained blood.

Starting a fire and using a can of gasoline to do it (that can’t be safe surely?) Sutter explains how he’s in charge now and how women like that. Candy retorts “in your dreams” only for Sutter to go off and a tangent and actually mention how he dreams in color (Oh shit, so do I – I swear I’m not a psycho!!!).

After this he begins to neatly lay out medical instruments on the table in front of her. It should be noted that we never do find out what the he’s planning to do with these except maybe bore her to death by explaining the history and use of each one or “Operation”, human style.

We then get to the crux of why he’s killing the women (in case you hadn’t worked it out that is – call it the “Murder She Wrote” moment were the killer confesses) – how they all came to him for help getting pregnant but that he considered them unfit for whatever reason and that in killing them, he was just protecting their children or likely children and how similarly, he considers Candice unfit too. Twisted little nutjob or what?!

In the meantime, Bobby and Natalie are rushing to the marina and by that I mean driving quickly, taking in anxious voices and have a siren on the car.
It does jump around here so, apologies for the back and forth between these scenes.

Anywho – back at Sutter’s cabin, Candice it trying to engage him in some, “I know you had a hard life” psychology. But Sutter is a twisted like turd and doesn’t buy her sympathy for a second – instead he takes her picture. No digicam but a polaroid. Aw, how retro and fun.

We have more cuts back to Bobby and Natalie – this presumably to show that they are actually on the way and not holed up somewhere talking about how M&Ms should come with warnings about likely chloroform attacks in your car if you stop to buy some.

Back at the cabin, Candice goes for a different stalling tactic, pointing out the fire, soft music, secluded cabin and how under different circumstances this could be “erotic”.
Sutter ignores her but our heroine keeps on, trying to convince him that there are other things they could do, that they could have sex for one, like he did with the other women (I swear I am not making this up). Erm, I thinking maybe she could just ask him to explain the history of his medical instruments or where he got the seriously appalling lampshade that the cabin has – it seems the healthier option here at any rate.

Her baiting has him agitated though and Candice quickly assumes the obvious – no, not that he won’t have sex with her because women aren’t his thing (and probably because gay guys can still get it up for her. See A Change of Heart) but that he physically can’t and only made it seem like he had sex with the other victims.

His expression tells us she’s nailed it on the head and as she baits him more (I’m starting to think now might be a good time to stop and suggest he look up viagra for his problem – it is 2002!) he, in a fit of anger grabs the gasoline can and douses her with the liquid.
It should be noted that I get a little weirded out here – chalk it up to seeing Paradise Road several years ago when they actually went through with the threat and set the woman on fire. And to think, the film was about a vocal choir!!!

Anyway, they begin to verbally spare more violently – exchanging accusations about her being an unfit mother and then Sutter brings up Deegan and Crouse (it helps to have read part one here) and how his mother was unfit, yadda yadda – he gets a bit boring with the unfit crap but whatever, he’s a nutcase.
He also mentions that he thinks she’s a rubbish FBI agent. Hey! steady on – she’s surrounded by twits yes, but she seems okay.

Sick of his accusations, especially the Deegan thing, she kicks the table over which gets him really mad and he grabs the gun – pointing it right at her.

She begs for him to tell her where Ryan is, pointing out that she hasn’t yet asked for her own life, but just to know where Ungrateful is and then begins to list everything she’s done for the little sod. Okay, so she doesn’t call him ungrateful or sod – in fact she’s really emotional, openly weeping and on the verge of sobbing as she does this.
Actually, there’s just a little catch in Jean’s voice when she sobs “I love my son” that I’m pretty sure you can’t think about and act – it has to be I dunno, something internal thing anyway for that to happen.
Anyway, my point is, despite my attempts at snark, she’s damn awesome.

Her emotional pleas seem to be getting to him and when she apologises for him not feeling love as a child (not her fault but if it gets her out of this mess, go for it) he pauses for a moment and after saying how he’d have been a good father, tells her to go.

Next scene the cabin goes up in flames and we see Bobby and Natalie arriving at the dock beside it. Natalie scream’s out “Oh my god, Candice” – seriously, she’s so obvious it’s actually kind of cute now and Bobby shouts out “Candy” as we see a figure running from the house and towards them.

It’s Candice! Well the movie would suck if she died, and seconds later she’s in Bobby’s arms clinging to him for dear life. “He let me go” she sobs and Bobby’s possibly thinking comfort sex is now on the table.

In hospital, we see Ryan in a bed and Candice looking down on him like the doting mother who’s excursion for M&M’s ended in tragedy. Why Ryan is in the bed and not her is anyone’s guess – he only got chloroformed after all – Martha Logan was back on her feet and hiding in stables less than an hour later after it happened to her.

Tommy, Candice’s ex-husband is also there in an outfit that screams golf club member with a Mercedes and likes people to know it.

Out in the hallway, he suggests she get treated and that he’ll take care of Ryan as she does. Candice thanks him and then admits she needs his help.
Tommy points out that all she ever had to do was ask and that he’s been waiting a long to time hear it.
Oh boy, does this guy need his ego stroked or what?! Then again, it can’t be easy when the ex-missus towers over him. He’s laughably short beside her.

Sometime after, again no clue about the time frame, we see Candice wearing really cool sunglasses, being wheeled outside by an orderly, discharged from the hospital.
Bobby comes up behind her, maybe still thinking comfort sex and takes the place of the orderly, bringing her to a stop and turning her around so that he can talk to her.
They share an emotional little tete a tete in which they sadly break up; Bobby unable to leave his wife and Candice needing to move on.
They kiss and quietly make out for a second and they are so damn sweet and hot right at the moment, and maybe it’s the music too, but you kind of want to him to ditch the wife even if she does do herself in because of it. But alas, it’s not to be.

In her new house, clearly just moved into because it looks like something exploded in it, we see her cooking breakfast for Ryan and wearing a frilly apron which no self respecting woman should own, least of all one that makes plays on the word “coming” (again see part one).
I think, because it’s hard to tell from the charred remains what it was, that she’s cooking pancakes.
Ryan looks concerned at what his mother has just given him to eat and insisting he’ll eat at school, gets up, informing her that this isn’t his way like she thinks it is, but rather that of aliens and asking her when was the last time she looked in the mirror.
Okay, I have no real intention of being a parent but if my kid asked me that I’d so make him have a bowl hair cut.

Back at FBI headquarters, we see Natalie staring lovingly, okay, maybe not lovingly but she does look sappy, into Candice’s semi-packed office. Candice comes up behind her and hands her a box, clearly the knee length boots like she promised or it’s just a joke and there’s a little keyring in there.
Natalie smiles, thanks her and then leaves, no doubt to stare and caress her new boots all day or do to the same even if it’s just a keyring.

We then cut to Frank, FBI boss man again, nattering on the phone. Candice comes in and leaves what looks to be the resignation papers she signed way back when she found out about Deegan committing suicide. Franks flips through them and when he sees no signature, asks “white out?”.

Our heroine doesn’t answer but instead swaggers her way out of his office as the familiar intro to “These Boots Were Made For Walking” begins on the soundtrack and the camera pans down to … yup – Candice’s short shirt and “fuck me” boot clad legs!!!
And that is it! The end!
And the people at TWOP breathe safe knowing that I at least, am not likely to get a job there.